Farting
A Formal Apology.
I can rip ass like no other. Both volume and stench.
Laughter and tears.
Locked car windows and dry heaving.
I'm usually fine if I avoid dairy, and sugar. It's really not a big deal if I know that I'll be at home at night. I can withstand my own brand.
But if I'm trapped at work, I pray my poor butthole will hold; like a dam ready to collapse.
It's like edging - but with a fart. I can feel it hit the back door, then turn around disappointed.
I'm sorry, farts. You're too dangerous to be let out at work.
Toxic.
An ex of mine was trapped in a tiny home with me for a week on vacation. One night he was awake, and I was asleep. He shook me awake saying we had to get out because something stinks.
I let one out while sleeping.
He didn't even think it was a fart - he assumed it was a natural gas leak. He genuinely thought we were in danger.
I was crying laughing after that.
He said something along the lines of "that's not a human smell..." I don't remember.
He broke down crying the next night. Not because of the fart but because he thought I didn't love him or something. I've never had to reassure someone more than that night.
I mean he was right, I was getting pretty sick of the relationship at that point. I didn't hate him, but the constant nit-picking was weighing on me.
Maybe the fart was a manifestation of my true feelings.
That was one of the most introspective nights of my life. I had to console a loved one who thought I was being too cold, while also keeping a level head.
I had to lie to keep the peace. We booked the place for a week and it was only day 3.
I had to buy a cock ring just to keep up with the constant begging for sex.
I wanted to die.
My wiener was sore.
It was terrible.
I'm very glad that I'm not dating him anymore.
...
I like being single and being able to fart without protest, y'know?
Also thanks for the kind words, Steve Rambo.