A Love Letter to Teslas
The Swan of The Road
Ye are beautiful, driver of your Tesla.
With your blackout tint, your plaid badge of pride, and your vanity plate.
Step on that pedal, and fly with the rest of your flock down the street in a school zone; silently, and at 70 miles an hour to get around me.
Dash around your fellow drivers with ease and swiftness. They don't understand the power of your vehicle, and you must show them so that one day they might join the ranks of good people. Great people. Tesla owners.
May you and your car weave in, out, and between traffic like a fuckin worm or something fuck you.
Your hubris and penis are unmatched in size and beauty.
And when you finally come to a stop, weather it be at the front of the red light line, or in a burning lithium inferno under the freeway overpass, just know that you were right; what a funny car for cool, ironic people.
Car
I spend around 2 to 2.5 hours in traffic every day.
The pay is worth it, so I continue to do it.
The sense of tribalism has grown so deeply and strongly within me, that I see any car on the road that isn't a Tesla as an ally. When I see one swerve in front of me to get one car closer in traffic, I genuinely become more hateful.
It's the new Prius.
I love the Prius now. That's how bad things have gotten.
The Tesla represents the uber rich buying up all housing, land and jobs, and jacking off into an AI meat grinder to have everyone who isn't in their clique killed for wrong think, or put to work in a farm.
Why have creativity? That inspires the middle and lower class.
Rape that away from them, and put it into an AI product that we can sell back to them. Get them dependent on us so badly, that they can't even cum without their computer pinging our data-center brain.
That car is the culmination of the uber rich appeasing the uber rich or the easily impressed.
The humble shitbox, though it burns petrolium, at least makes a statement that the person is just trying to get to work.
TL;DR you are a boner-head if you drive too fast in front of me and hurt my feelings.
A love letter to me in the future
I hope me have a good day tomorrow, I.
Good luck with my desk job, you fruit.
Drink some water so me can outlive me.
Everyting gonna be alright, I.
Drink less beers, and draw more.
Wuv meee!!!